21 And Spitting Out The Lies You Fed Us...

 

They lied to us.

Do you know about what?

About how great it all would be.

WARNING: Please don’t read on if you are some optimistic person that is still trying to hold on to unrealistic promises.

Alright, so now that I feel better about not crushing someone’s dreams I will say that I just turned 21. That age where you finally become an adult. They tell you that happens at 18 but they also lied about that because when you got to 18 the only thing that really included was the ability to now sign for things and go to doctor appointments by yourself, which add a whole new level of unfamiliar stress! (Cannot begin to tell you how many times I almost cried at the doctor office due to all of the unfamiliar papers and having zero idea what my parents social numbers were). But now, even the consumption of alchohol is not out of your reach. And good thing… because I think they knew we would need it at this time. Here’s a couple reason’s why. A couple of the most told lies.

Moving Out

They get you all excited about moving out. So you do. And you think it will be better, and boy is it! But then you have to clean and do laundry and remember to pay rent and kill bugs. It’s quite lovely. (Especially when you get queasy after stepping on some beetle so you leave it there, because that’s all you can do, only to step on it barefoot later out of sheer forgetfulness. Yes, I did scream) Welcome to being on your own!

Work Life

Now let’s talk about work. Oh ya, and school. Your two full time jobs. They always pressured the idea of college. So you do it. Which ends up being a small community college because that ends up being the only thing you can afford (being a barista isn’t all that great financially). So you go to this place where it basically feels just like high school again. And instead of just spending two years there you end up spending three years at this place you just can’t wait to leave. You have had your fair share of bad stories, bad relationships, and bad experiences here. But you are stuck for this last year. Awesome. Then you think that whatever job you get in the meantime will carry you through financially. I am saying this now… not many jobs do. It is only by the grace of God that I have food each week and gas in my car (and thanks to a gracious roommate as well!!) And I don’t think we realized how exhausting that job would be. Especially when you have worked 8 hours then must accomplish 5 hours of classes and homework later. There is not enough caffeine in the world to sustain a high energy level. You will have a consistent look of exhaustion on your face (baggy eyes, dark circles, and slow reaction time). Shocked yet??

Relationships

Now, let’s talk about the social aspect of life. My favorite. They gave you this picture of what life would be. Your parents gave it to you, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, your friends, and even some Disney movies you watched day in and day out. You would be rescued by prince charming. You would find this amazing guy. He would treat you like a princess. He would value you. He would pray with you. He would marry you. Buy a house with you. Have kids with you. Have a wonderful and perfect life with you. But at 21, I’m single! Alright. Now, don’t count me completely out. I had my fair share of relationships. And I think that’s what has killed this dream the most. Not a single one has been like that which I was promised. Sure I have had poor judgment. But I look at the majority. I hear more stories. And it seems to be the more consistent truth. Instead of looking for prince charming, perhaps there should have been more time spent on teaching us about deciphering between prince and enemy. Because both are out there. Don’t be fooled. No matter what the movies say. Not every relationship ends in Happily Ever After. Some can even end in horror stories and leave you with scars that never quite heal. After a couple of times, the little girl in me that believed in fairy tales has finally died. That used to bother me. But I guess it’s about time. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Now, don’t get me wrong. Some of my friends have gotten married or are at least engaged. And to great guys. And I am thankful. It can happen. But when we find it isn’t happening for everyone, our conception of life must be altered. And we are stuck asking, "so what now?" You feel frantic butterflies in your stomach. "How can I survive alone?" "Is there a place for the single in this world?" "What about the single that have been broken and used?" That’s what I keep thinking. With every scar, every broken dream, I keep thinking my options for a future husband become slimmer and slimmer. Because I narrow in my eyes and raise the bar of expectations. Because not everyone can understand a broken heart. Not everyone can respect it. Trust me. So to the single I say... good luck!

This is also a good time to talk about something else, superheroes. Not Superman or Batman. But those people you looked up to. Those people you went to for everything because they always seemed to get it right. They always seemed to have it together. You admired and longed to have the same strength, wisdom, and faith as they have. Sorry to say it, neither princes nor superheroes exist. You realize they are just people. With their fair share of faults and failures. A whole sea of kryptonite that can break them at any time. You get closer to their age and I suppose they feel like they can be more honest and they share how hard life is and they show more of their “human side”. They take off the cape and remove the mask. And you see someone that looks a lot like you. Just human. And you drop your comic books you’ve been clinging to, as well as your mouth. This is real life.

The End...

That’s the end of my dream crushing reality slap for the time being.

So... Why write this?

It really is quite simple.

I wish someone would have told me these things before I was 21.

I also want others who are here at 21, to know that they are not alone.

(Tell me I’m not alone too, please)

Life is not what they promised.

They lied.

But that doesn’t mean life has to be over.

It just means you have to let your eyes adjust to the new reality.

Then take one step in front of the other.

Rock the single thing.

Be your own superhero.

And do your best at school and work.

Though life is not what we thought it would be,

Life can still be beautiful.