If Every Wish Came True...

It’s late. 

And my mind is racing. 

That’s usually how these blogs tend to find their form. 

My hands simply try to keep up. 

Thankfully a keyboard is faster than pen strokes. 

I can type quickly and harshly. 

Letting the emotions lash out through my fingertips while being able to easily erase the words I don’t want, that don’t fit, as if they were never even there. 

I wish life were like that. 

Guess we all do. 

I want that shooting star or birthday wish to come true.  

 But all the stars and all the candles being blown out, 

in hopeful expectation,

 can never change things. 

But how I still wish for... 

that choice never made, 

that word never said, 

that love never formed, 

those feelings never felt, 

those tears never shed, 

and that pain never real. 

Most people you hear that talk about their past will tell you that though there were plenty of painful things, 

they would never change any of it because it brought them to where they are today. 

Like there is some kind of beauty formed through all the beatings and stabs. 

Well ya know, I guess I just haven’t adjusted my eyes in such a way. 

Guess I haven’t found the right glasses, the right perspective. 

I am waiting for it to happen though. 

Because as of right now, the things I am thankful for are the lovely things that somehow find their way in to my life. 

Because all the hurtful and ugly things have only brought about this gut wrenching pain and fear that never cease to pound so that I never forget it is there. 

Those things have not made me lovely. 

Those things have made me cynical, unable to trust, and run away from anything that has to do with faith or love. 

They have not made me strong. 

They have made me weak and guarded. 

They have haunted my dreams. 

They have altered my future.

And they continually affect my present. 

What has made me lovely and strong and brave is this: 

My soul.

This soul that…

 

Looks up to the sky every night because I know there are stars up there, 

I know there is more. 

And so I know I can go on.

Determines that I will prove you wrong. 

No matter what you say, 

I will show you that I am capable of far more than you think.

Smiles regardless of how stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed I may be.

Feels something deeper than words can describe by the beauty of music. 

Whether I am listening or playing, there is something magical and enchanting about this art form that I will never stop adoring.

Writes better than I speak. 

I may seem at a loss for words when you ask me how I am, 

but give me a space to write and I will blow you away with the book long response that two seconds ago was seemingly nowhere to be found.

Finds joy in making others laugh. 

Even if I look like an idiot or have to fall several times, 

I find fewer things more enjoyable than making even just one person smile bigger and/or laugh more.

Best listener, worst advice giver. 

I love to sit and listen to others as they vent or share their stories. 

I could do it all day. 

But please don’t ask me for advice. 

For I feel too much pressure and would hate if I only led you to harm or further inconveniences.

. . . . . .

These are some of the things that I have always been 

and seem to keep growing in to. 

But I like the way they fit and continue to form. 

I am nothing close to perfection. 

But even the least of the critics could find disturbances in the most flawlessly beautiful of things.

I write this more for myself. 

As a reminder. 

As a statement. 

As a belief.

I am me.

And that’s enough.

And for you, embrace the soul inside. 

For that is enough.

We are all beautiful mysteries unfolding more and more each day.

No person, faith, or fault can undo the unfolding.

Hold fast.

Look within.

You are breathtaking.

You are strong.

You are your own soul.

You indeed, are fierce, dear love.